Connection Rejection

Connection Rejection

Oct 27, 2015

by Pastor Scott Hausrath

North Loup SDB Church, NE


The Coroner had listed the deceased’s cause of death as “Connection Rejection.” He wasn’t surprised when the D.A.’s office called for a clarification of his findings.

“Can you explain what you mean by ‘Connection Rejection’?” the Deputy District Attorney asked. “My boss is going to need something more than this for her report.”

“Connection Rejection,” said the Coroner into the telephone, “happens when a person’s attempts to connect with other people are not reciprocated. The person’s foundational need for relationship is not met, which sometimes leads him to view himself as unworthy of relationship. This negative assessment of himself can lead the person to start making decisions that reflect this perspective. He starts to isolate himself from others, giving up on trying to connect with them. This isolation often leads people to diminish their own worth, and to continue this line of thought by engaging in behavior that is harmful to themselves.”

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“That’s what happened with the deceased,” the Coroner continued. “He started viewing himself as a lost cause, so he saw no point in taking care of his physical health, not to mention his psychological, emotional, or spiritual health. He thus entered a downward spiral that ultimately ended his life at a premature age.”

“That sounds so sad,” the Deputy D.A. commented. “Could anything have been done to change the course of this person’s life?”

“Intervention could have occurred at a number of points in the deceased’s life,” suggested the Coroner. “Children naturally seek their first connections with their parents, so a child’s early experience with his mother and father is crucial. If his parents are not able or willing to connect with the child, or are not present, then other family members, or members of the child’s immediate community, can step in and invite him into healthy relationship opportunities. If a child continues to grow up without healthy connection, he will tend to begin the process of self-isolation, as a perceived means of self-preservation. It’s therefore vitally important for us to begin connecting with children who have been rejected by their family or community. It is true, however, that even adults who have lived for many years without connection are able to form relationships, if they can find a supportive environment in which to begin reaching beyond their fears and insecurities. Even though it’s more difficult for an older person to learn these connection skills, no one is beyond hope. Since we were created for connection, each of us possesses the capacity to connect, even if this capacity appears handicapped by years of connection rejection.”


The Deputy District Attorney wrapped up his phone call by asking the Coroner some final questions regarding the deceased’s family history. Then he hung up the phone and lost himself in what seemed like hours of deep reflection.


Coming back down to earth, he gradually noticed the presence of the office mail carrier, Richie, who had just now quietly added a large stack of manila envelopes to his inbox. Richie was always like that, he thought, quietly delivering the mail without saying anything to anyone.


“Hey, Richie,” he called the young man back into his office. “I’m headed downstairs for some fresh air. Come on, I’ll buy you a Coke.”

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